Sex and Writing Rule No. 4: DARE

In sex and writing, if you’re holding back, why bother?

Animated title card. Description: A weird skeleton hand rips the head off of a skinny snake while the word DARE is whacked into the abyss.

Few things keep me brave.

I am fear, tangled in confusion, sleeping with anxiety, barfing onto the widening chasm between my feet and the ground.

But, when I write, I dare.

To whoever is reading me (or touching me), I have them.

Invisible, as usual, and wilting, as usual, I sit in the late afternoon and I stare at the reader (and I stare at the lover) and I dare to show them every little thing.

If you’re holding back, why bother?

Description: A woman hiding behind her growing hands. Pink background. Black and White photo. The title “Dare”.

The first time you gave head, how did it feel?

The first time I ever gave a blow job, age 23, I fell off the bed.

“Are you ok?”


I jump back on the bed and get nowhere because I am terrible at this.

All the while, and for years, I felt insecure about my inexperience.

But, never has inexperience mattered less than on the topic of sex and writing.

If you dare, you do.

Here’s a blow job tip:

Imagine you love his penis. You may love him, you may not, but close your eyes and imagine prince charming (who, for me, is the guy who plays Tarzan in all the porn versions of Tarzan) and swallow that penis alive.

Dare yourself to feel something.

There’s no one watching. It’s just you and the penis.

Dare yourself to assume importance. Assume that you’re capable. Assume that Tarzan is blowing you back.

Dare to work like you love what you’re working on.

Don’t hold back until someone gets hurt.

In the event of hurt, please apologize.

Return to your station. Resume love and dares.

On the topic of masturbation

Description: A feminine shaped “Dare” stands in the middle of traffic and dares the cars to drive right through her. Pink, black and white.

People often accuse wonky writers of being masturbatory.

You are masturbating when your energy begins and ends at your own pleasure.

The No. 4 rule of writing is: Dare to offer pleasure to someone else.

I don’t want to misrepresent myself.

In sex and writing I am daring.

Otherwise, no.

Real life is an obstacle to pleasure.

Sex and writing is the ticket.

Dare to get carried away.

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Much love and care,



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