The Thought-Butcher Counter on the City’s Most Anxious Street Corner

Come up with a crazy business idea.

We sell red meat thoughts like suddenly remembering the news about Aerosmith lead singer, Steve Tyler, and wondering, “does that mean I have to throw out the Aerosmith t-shirt my brother bought me for Channukah?”

Or red meat thoughts like a sugar craving and I’m only craving it because I’m bored or, “gee I want a beer badly right now but I don’t know why,” or like the need to suddenly quit the thing you’ve been working on for two years, and then another sugar craving, more beer please, “I don’t know what to do with myself,” try to nap, try to text someone but then I erase all evidence of any text I could have sent, “hey my day is fucked, ” “hey I just had some teacher tell me that my book is a shit idea and it’s like two years of work,” “hey I need you.” Erase them. Red meat thoughts like the kind that fail the heart. Even though it makes you happy.

We sell those here. They cost a lot of money because they lead to tasty self-harm. And, if you’re buying them, you’re likely the type to buy quite a bit of them.

You could also try these white meat thoughts like a bluegrass orchestra or re-organizing my office or “wow, I really deserve a huge bean bag chair in my office because my dog took over the one in the living room and now its his bed and I miss sinking into the beans at the end of a painful hour or day.”

Those thoughts cost less. And they don’t cause pain. But, they seem boring. But they aren’t boring, they’re just quiet.

White meat thoughts like the urge to hug or cook or read. Like, good news. Like, mom thank you I love you.

Try this: Close your eyes, hold your own hand, think about all you have. Then, let thoughts take over.

Maybe in our butcher shop, we’ll buy back thoughts from our customers. A few dollars for the white ones. A few hundred dollars for the red. We’ll let them rot for you.

It’s a business for anyone with thoughts they’d rather not keep.

Is that a quantifiable market?

Maybe the links above will help you find the thoughts you’re ready for today.

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